I Tried Being Humble and it backfired horribly

Let me tell you a story about humility. You know, that thing everyone says you should have? Like, “Stay humble!” or “Don’t brag!”? Well, I tried. As a software engineer, I thought being humble meant admitting when I didn’t know something, asking questions, and avoiding acting like a know-it-all. Turns out, in the real world, humility is like wearing a sign that says, “Please doubt me.”

Here’s what happened:

“I’m not sure” became code for “I don’t know anything.” In meetings, if I said, “I’m not sure, maybe we should test this idea first,” people suddenly looked at me like I’d confessed I’d never used a keyboard before. One time, a teammate rewrote my entire feature “just to be safe” after I admitted I needed more time to be 100% sure I am not being over-confident. Meanwhile, the person who declared, “This will take 10 minutes!” (spoiler: it took 10 days) earned their Lead Engineer status.

Explaining your limits is inviting others to ignore you. Period. And a different think is what that viral LinkedIn post says. I once told a project manager, “I’m still learning about Kubernetes, but I’ll try.” Guess who wasn’t invited to the next cloud infrastructure discussion? Meanwhile, the guy who called himself a “Kubernetes ninja” (but couldn’t explain a pod to save his life) became the go-to expert.

The workplace loves people who sound right, not people who are right.

Why tf does this happen? It seems like many workplaces confuse confidence with competence. If you’re humble, people assume you’re hiding incompetence. If you’re loud and wrong, you’re a "leader".

So here's my two cents, the secret I learned (too late): You don’t have to be arrogant. But... Trust me, just stop downplaying yourself. Instead of saying, “This might be stupid, but…”, say, “Here’s an idea.” Instead of apologizing for needing time to learn, say, “I’ll solve this.” Save humility for moments that actually matter—like when you truly mess up.

This doesn’t mean you should lie or pretend. But in a world where everyone’s pretending to be Elon Musk, acting humble is like being tactical and patient when you are the last survivor of your Counter Strike team. You’re technically not wrong—you’re just playing the wrong game.

Yeah I know. Never said I was good with metaphors anyways.

Back to my main point, If you act unsure, people will fill in the blanks with their worst assumptions. So yeah, be kind. Be honest. But for the love of God, stop saying “I’m still learning” out loud. You are undervaluing yourself in a market suffering from inflation because of people selling themselves up, and by being humble, which may be just trying to display your true value, you're indirectly setting your value lower. Just go with the flow and adjust your value upwards.

P.S. To that person from the past (who definitely isn’t reading this): I know everything. Especially Kubernetes. I invented pods. (Please invite me to the meeting.)

I heard someone said once: "If you see someone calling themselves a “coding ninja,” run. Ninjas are quiet, and that person is definitely not." That will forever stick with me. I love it. I want to put it on a T-shirt.

Thanks for reading,